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The Paul Chronicles

Posted by fairval on July 12, 2010

As the Paul fever sweeps across the globe, here’s a rundown on key Paul events in the last 24 hours:

Goldman is believed to have hired Paul as the chief market strategist. Morgan shares were down 20% in early trading. Pandit under renewed pressure to resign.

Mckinsey has authored a paper called ‘The new Paul paradigm – Eight steps to improved forecasting for global corporations’. Tata Motors has hired Mckinsey to build a ten year global demand model for Nano.  Analysts we spoke to deride the move. “Now how will they price it under $2500?” says an analyst who declined to be named.

Google and Microsoft have intensified efforts to build the worlds’ first true predictive browser. Both have codenamed the project ‘Paul’. Actually Microsoft is calling it Paul Version 10.  Market research commissioned by Microsoft has shown consumers believe first nine versions of any Microsoft version are no good. Microsoft may also release Windows 10 and Office 10 later this year.

Several Octopus farms have started coming up in special economic zones in China. Chinese leaders see a scope for transforming China’s manufacturing outsourcing led export model. “China aims to occupy the leading place in the global knowledge economy” said premier Hu Jintao. Chinese dissidents are wary of this new move. It could lead to food shortages, some say.

Harvard opened its MBA program to octopuses yesterday. “We educate leaders. The best talent always comes to Harvard” said the new Harvard dean Nohria. “And how will an octopus do a case study?” asked the Wharton dean. “The world will see why the Wharton method is better. Octopuses will surely come to Wharton” he added.

General Motors announced an all new car platform for Octopuses. “Why? asked the BMW chief. “Are they phasing out Chevrolet?” he wanted to know.

Indra Nooyi, the Pepsi chief is reported to be ecstatic at the new global fascination for Paul. She plans to hire him as the sole global brand ambassador for Pepsi. “He has eight hands. We can show our entire product line” she is believed to have said at an internal budget meeting. Some Pepsi brand managers are not amused. They fear budget cuts. “Never make an accountant the CEO” said the global brand head for Frawg, declining to reveal her name. She feels her brand will get cannibalised in the new policy. The global brand head for 7-Up is more hopeful. “Umm…which is the seventh hand?” she wanted to know.

(apologies to people or corporations named, take it in good humor..couldnt resist writing this)

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